brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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