Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
