allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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