i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
