I hope mine doesn't look like that
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
