Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
