I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
