I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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