I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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