i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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