guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
