so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
