Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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