He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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