The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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