I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
