Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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