zippers are such a cool invention
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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