I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
