I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
