It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
