He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
