there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
