He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
