I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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