he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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