as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
