When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
