I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
