im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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