I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Your cock deserves a montage
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
