So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
