we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
