just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
