i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
