i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
