I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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