things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
