Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
