The maid of honor just puked.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
