sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
