you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
