Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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