I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We got so high we made milksteak
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
