i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
