My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
