YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If that was your dad, he is hot
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
