im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
