Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
