Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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