god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
