HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
