So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
