Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
